my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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