I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
