So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
