It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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