i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
