"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
