Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
