He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
