Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
