If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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