i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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