Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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