how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
