U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
