you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
