I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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