When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
