Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
