just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
