Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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