i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
