I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
