we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
