two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
