I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
