i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize