just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
