I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
