Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
