Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
