She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
