dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize