I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
