You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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