Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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