I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize