i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
