The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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