I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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