I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
