Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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