my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
