Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
