i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
