The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
