He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
