I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
