one two three fourrrrnication!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
