I'm jealous of your bromance
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
