I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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