he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
