Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
