i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
