i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
