i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
