yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
