I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
