haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
