Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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