Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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