Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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