if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
