I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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