I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
