Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
