Who wears a wallet chain?!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
